THE DATING GAME

Talking to a group of single, divorced and widowed women about relationships was a revealing topic. One had tried a dating agency and still found that there was no one that she had clicked with.

They all bemoaned the fact that they were often sitting at home and that drinking places and clubs were not the places to meet single men.

In Zambia how relevant is an introduction service? Surely there are enough opportunities in the daily realm of life? The ladies talked about how fun it would be to have an executive dinner dating club. The concept being to meet selected men and women for dinner and enjoy the mingling.

My question was, is Zambia ready for this?
For sure no one is going to meet an interesting person sitting at home or visiting married couples. Strictly Singles too. No married or committed persons allowed.

So often women have a check list of requirements instead of letting things flow. Good old fashioned natural attraction is what keeps finding the right person an interesting process.

Friends said that a dating agency wouldn’t work because people are too pretentious. Image is a big thing and no one would want to admit that they went to a dating agency. Also for many people they have enough suitors.

So the solution for singles especially over 35 years old is a debate that is open to discussion.

My former commercial manager, Wally, said that both men and women should concentrate on their star player in their life – and that is themselves. There is so much pressure on men in Zambia as the bread winner that you lose yourself in responsibilities. When last did you do something just for yourself?

The women are often waiting for permission from their husbands or boyfriends before feeling that they can treat themselves.

Look after your star player – we were born alone and we die alone. There comes a time when you review life and decide what makes you tick. Don’t get caught up in the matrix of life where you don’t stop and make adjustments. We change so much every decade and cannot expect our partner to be the same person.

My mother after 25 years of marriage decided to stop sulking on weekends when Dad was at golf. She took a bold step and joined the bowling club. Within 2 months Dad had given up golf and was playing bowls, citing his back as the issue. Mom 3 months prior had said that she wasn’t happy. Dad was reading the newspaper and was not a man of many words. He put the newspaper down and said that he was happy and walked off. That galvanised Mom to do something other than nagging. The best year’s of their marriage was the bowling years.

So whatever it takes to look after your star player – start doing it. Your partner will never appreciate your so called sacrifices. That’s how life is. My mother used to knit jerseys for us girls, and she thought that she was contributing by saving money. She could have swatted him for retorting that he couldn’t stand the sound of the knitting needles and only lazy people knitted! So it’s never simple in marriage or relationships. Do your best always and don’t forget about yourself.

I just loved the way Mom managed to steer Dad into the right direction eventually. I certainly haven’t inherited this trait.

Email: shimika08@yahoo.co.uk